Most first purchases go wrong for the same reason: people buy for the shape and then discover the motor is loud, the silicone drags, or the controls are impossible to reach. Answer three questions first and you skip most of that.

1. External or internal?

If you are unsure, start external. A small clitoral vibrator is the easiest thing to learn with, needs no warm-up routine, and is the least likely to end up in a drawer. Internal toys reward a bit of practice and a lot of lubricant — worth it later, not first.

2. How quiet does it need to be?

This is the specification people ignore and then regret. Anything under 50 dB is roughly a quiet conversation; under 40 dB is close to inaudible through a closed door. If you share walls, check the number before you check the colour.

3. What is it made of?

Body-safe silicone or ABS plastic. Both are non-porous, easy to wash and safe with condoms. Avoid jelly and cheap TPE for anything that goes inside you — they are porous and cannot be fully cleaned.

The two features that actually matter

• Continuous speed control rather than three fixed steps. The difference between “too little” and “too much” is usually somewhere in between.
• Magnetic or USB-C charging. Disposable batteries are the single most common reason a toy stops being used.

Everything else — app control, patterns, colours — is preference, not function.